


Man I Love Futakuchi

by asynchrony



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Gen, brief mentions of some of the other second gen captains, proof of concept, today i learned you can use tables on ao3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29693928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asynchrony/pseuds/asynchrony
Summary: The second-gen captains (and Aone) find themselves on Reddit. It doesn't go well.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18
Collections: Datekou Week 2021





	Man I Love Futakuchi

**Author's Note:**

> please make sure creator's style is turned on i spent at least an hour on this
> 
> for datekō week day 2: social media

Posted in r/TIFU by u/topkekji 8 days ago 

⬆

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## TIFU by letting my junior ask a question  
  
---|---  
  
**975**  
  
⬇  
  
Yes, this actually happened today. Long-time lurker, first-time poster, etc.

So I'm a senior in high school (not in America), and semi-unwilling captain of our volleyball team. We're a technical school, so some of my teammates are... not the smartest.

Our setter is one of them. Let's call him K. Today another teammate O made a joke about going full MILF mode right before a practice game and K asked, completely seriously, "what's a MILF?"

I'm going to be honest: I panicked. The letter F ran through my mind and I tried to think of other words that start with it. Spongebob is one of the few English shows I've actually watched a lot of, and he does a song with an acronym, so... "Man, I Love Friendship" was what came out of my mouth.

Except that my name also starts with F. And O, being the little shit he is, corrected me with "oh, F's just being shy, it's about him."

So now I have a setter with the critical thinking skills of a golden retriever loudly proclaiming, every time he makes a good block, that he's a MILF monster, and telling his tiny and equally doglike friend on the opposing team what he thinks it means, and I've got a feeling it's going to get out of control.

UPDATE: no update, fuck you

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noshitaaaaaa 3 days ago

so our buddy "kekji" refuses to post an update but he can't stop me.

since our practice match my entire team has decided they're going to yell about MILFs at all hours since they think F's team is cool and scary for some reason. i'm pretty sure both our coach and teacher know what it means but think that we don't and it's stressing the shit out of them.

a team in another city has picked it up bc H texted _their_ setter who found it hilarious, and they've made a pact to yell THIS ONE IS FOR THE MILFS if either of them wins at nationals. which we intend to but at this point i'm seriously considering throwing whatever match we need to stop that happening.

⬆ **748** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

> PolarBearWithMe 3 days ago
> 
> Small update from F's team: K has asked why "MILK" isn't an acronym, about himself.
> 
> ⬆ **702** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>
>> kenjironi 3 days ago
>> 
>> Holy fucking shit what did you tell him
>> 
>> ⬆ **304** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>>
>>> PolarBearWithMe 3 days ago
>>> 
>>> Our libero told him the K stood for another setter. If you hear him yell MILK he thinks he's done a good set.
>>> 
>>> ⬆ **536** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

noshitaaaaaa 8 days ago

did you use grammarly to write this. imagine if you cared this much about english at school

and yes H told me what K told him and i've been camping out on reddit ever since waiting for you to post this bc i _knew_ you couldn't resist finally having some Content(TM) in your life. serves you right for spamming our gc with aitas all the time american hubris really isn't that funny

⬆ **623** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

> topkekji 8 days ago
> 
> What the fuck are you doing here let me fucking live
> 
> ⬆ **420** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>
>> kenjironi 8 days ago
>> 
>> Maybe if you didn't insult every single captain you came across then add us to a group chat to fuck with us more you wouldn't be in this situation
>> 
>> ⬆ **108** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

> ak95 8 days ago
> 
> lmao owned (also i can't believe i'm hearing about this on reddit first)
> 
> ⬆ **231** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>
>> noshitaaaaaa 6 days ago
>> 
>> you know what? i don't even have to ask who you are bc your post history is exactly as emo as i thought it would be
>> 
>> ⬆ **82** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

gigantamaxine 3 days ago

YTA for bringing what looks like an entire horde of Japanese teenagers into this sub

⬆ **273** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

> OneFishTwineFish 2 days ago
> 
> Wrong sub but NTA anyway
> 
> ⬆ **87** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

23 more comments

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Posted in r/relationships by u/PolarBearWithMe 1 day ago 

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## How to be a good vice-captain  
  
---|---  
  
**403**  
  
⬇  
  
Over the course of one day at our regional qualifiers, I:

  * stopped our captain hitting someone else
  * stopped our captain insulting someone else enough to hit him
  * stopped our setter from explaining MILFs to the referee



Technically the last of these wouldn't have resulted in a yellow card but I'm trying to be responsible. I don't know if I'm doing too much or too little.

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crowwrangler 1 day ago

Hey! You seem like a good kid. I had a quick look at your profile and you sure do like cute animals!

Anyway, there's not much you can do if your captain isn't setting a good example himself. If he and your setter both listened to you, and it sounds like they did, you're doing everything you can.

I'm concerned about you burning out, actually! If you're the only person keeping a team in order, and you're not even the one who officially has the role, that's a lot for someone your age with the kind of compassion you seem to have. Do you have support at home?

⬆ **372** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

> PolarBearWithMe 1 day ago
> 
> Thanks for the reply. I have friends, but most of them are also a little wild. Maybe I'll talk to the previous captain about it. He seemed to handle it well. I used to cause a lot of trouble for him too, and I regret that.
> 
> ⬆ **272** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>
>> crowwrangler 1 day ago
>> 
>> Good, that's a good idea. Give that a shot! I fondly remember my days as a teenager in team sports, though I have to admit I was certainly a wild one. I hope you're still able to have fun!
>> 
>> ⬆ **108** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

> yahaboo123 1 day ago
> 
> Wait hang on u/noshitaaaaaa do you know crowwrangler
> 
> ⬆ **96** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>
>> noshitaaaaaa 1 day ago
>> 
>> no?
>> 
>> ⬆ **73** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>>
>>> yahaboo123 1 day ago
>>> 
>>> Oh thank fuck
>>> 
>>> ⬆ **34** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>>>
>>>> chewiebaccy 1 day ago
>>>> 
>>>> Iiiinteresting...
>>>> 
>>>> ⬆ **12** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

chewiebaccy 1 day ago

You know what? If nobody else is gonna do it I'm gonna do it. r/MiyagiVolleyballMILFs for updates

⬆ **348** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

> noshitaaaaaa 8 hours ago
> 
> holy shit?
> 
> ⬆ **83** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>
>> chewiebaccy 4 hours ago
>> 
>> This is more interesting than anything that's happened in my own life in years. How did this happen? What are u/topkekji 's thoughts on AITA that pissed all of you off? Is Japanese high school really just like anime? This isn't like any shounen I've ever seen. Gotta say I'm remembering more Japanese day by day just figuring out Google maps and the stuff some of y'all post though.
>> 
>> ⬆ **-2** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save
>>
>>> PolarBearWithMe 1 hour ago
>>> 
>>> Oh no.
>>> 
>>> ⬆ **8** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

11 more comments

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Posted in r/legaladvice by u/topkekji 24 minutes ago 

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## Is this doxxing?  
  
---|---  
  
**1**  
  
⬇  
  
[deleted]

1 comment Give Award Share Save Hide Report

🔒 | 

**This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/legaladvice**  
New comments cannot be posted  
  
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NotACop 5 minutes ago

PLEASE JUST GET OFF REDDIT ALL OF YOU.

⬆ **1** ⬇ Reply Give Award Share Report Save

**Author's Note:**

> kenma is almost definitely also a redditor but definitely too internet-smart to comment on any of this trainwreck
> 
> let me know what you think <3
> 
> if you want the work skin for use on your own fics, just let me know. this fic can be retweeted [here.](https://twitter.com/emdashing/status/1371537083899080705)


End file.
